I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize