Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
