Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
