My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
