The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
