I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
