Sponge bath it is.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
