That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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