does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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