Who wears a wallet chain?!
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
