I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
