I don't think brook has ever known best
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
