How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
