Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
