I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I have post one night stand depression
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