I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
