she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize