dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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