I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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