Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
