yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
