Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
