This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
