My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
