I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
