Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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