But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
