i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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