I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
