Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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