smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
