I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
