So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
