Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
