There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You're a waste of cheezeits
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
