She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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