very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
