mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
