would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
