someone get that fucking seahorse.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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