but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
