there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
my sisters under your porch take her home
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
