Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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