Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
