my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
