I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
