i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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