is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
