had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
