you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
