i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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