o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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