I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
