her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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