He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
We have started to decorate penises.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
