I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
