Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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