Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
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