Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i will never coherently bang her
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize