So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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