Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You are the jesus of drinking
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
