I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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