Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
