she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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