So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
