One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
