not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize