yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize