I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
