idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
