So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
