He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
