I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
