I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
