I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
