return my video game
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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