I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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