It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
