I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
