And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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