If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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