When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
