i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize