Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
