He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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