so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
