laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
that may or may not have been my penis.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
