At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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