I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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