grandma shit on top of the toilet
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
