My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
