I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you win again, gameday.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
