I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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