Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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