I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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