Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
