spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
