it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
