my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
