So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
worst night to have a conscience
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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