i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
