Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
